WEBVTT
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Okay, so welcome to our podcast.
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This is a little bit different today because this podcast is a spin off of our radio show, so thanks for coming.
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Um, I don't really like to prepare for interviews and I just kind of like the wing interviews and, uh, I was really nervous about you coming on this podcast because you're, like, an adhd expert.
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Is that like, what, like, what?
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What do I call you?
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Are you an adhd expert?
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yeah, you can say expert I like the word expert and and I'm insecure because I've been diagnosed before by, like psychiatrists and stuff, but I also don't believe them, but I don't know.
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But you got this book right.
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It all makes sense now.
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So explain the book to me and then I'd like to go over your history and a bunch of other things sure, uh.
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So, as you just said, the book book is called.
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It All Makes Sense Now Embrace your ADHD Brain to Live a Creative and Colorful Life.
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This book is a combination of personal stories from my past that relate to how ADHD has shown up in my life.
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I was not diagnosed with ADHD until I was almost 40.
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So there were a lot of things happening that felt really chaotic, that I didn't have a great explanation for in my life, and then I start each chapter with an anecdote that leads into an explanation of a symptom or something that's a common challenge for people with ADHD, and then I kind of explain what's actually happening in the brain behind that challenge, and then I finish it with strategies so that people have takeaways and a way to kind of apply some of the information they're learning to improve their life.
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Is that why it's called it?
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All Makes Sense?
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Yes, Like you get diagnosed, you're like oh, my whole life makes sense now.
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Absolutely Like what.
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What's something that happened in your past that now makes sense?
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You know I could think back right now.
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I have a 16 year old who just got her driver's license a few months ago and I was super anxious about that because of my driving history.
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So when I was a teenager I got my license within six months I had been in three accidents.
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I was pulled over one week three times in a row for not having my lights on.
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This is before automatic lights were a thing, constantly locking my keys in the car, and I just could not figure out why this wasn't happening to everybody else.
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I remember my dad sitting me down after the third accident which was me backing into a McDonald's drive-thru line or sign, which I don't even know how to explain how that happened, and he just said, meredith, why does this keep happening?
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You just have to pay attention.
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And I was like I know, but I don't know how, like I can't, so I thought I was trying to pay attention.
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So that really made a lot more sense when I understood how differently my brain is wired A couple other things that stand out.
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I really struggled with losing things, working memory.
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So I would find, like the coffee pot in the fridge, I would find, like my keys in the most random place and you know, it's almost like I was doing things but my brain was somewhere else.
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And that made a lot more sense when I understood that I had ADHD.
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Is ADHD different in men and women?
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I think that it can show up differently, like across and women.
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I think that it can show up differently, like across.
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You know all human experiences.
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I think a lot of it really depends on if you are what they call predominantly hyperactive or predominantly inattentive.
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So it used to be thought that girls and women tended to have the inattentive type of ADHD, so they had less hyperactivity.
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I don't know that that's necessarily true.
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I think that girls and women are socialized to channel their hyperactivity differently.
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I think we're expected to not be bouncing off the walls, to calm down, to be a good girl, so I think we just get really good at not showing that to the world.
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So it shows up differently.
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But I don't know if it has anything to do with the brain structure or if it has to do with how we're socialized in the world.
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I have this friend of mine.
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He has ADHD and he's one of the few people where I love him so much.
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We'll go to lunch and let's say an hour lunch.
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We will talk about 45 different things and we follow each other perfectly.
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It's the best, it's literally it's right.
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But he's also medicated.
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I'm not.
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So what's your take on that, and have you been medicated?
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Are you medicated?
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Is that too personal?
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But you wrote a book, so you should be open.
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No, I can totally talk about that.
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I am really open to medication.
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I have been on meds in certain periods of my life where I couldn't risk having days where I just could not turn my brain on.
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On.
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You could turn it on, turn it on, um, on, you could turn it on like uh, do you ever experience, john jay, the feeling of like, some days your brain is like locked in and you can be super focused on something for like hours on end and then the next day it's like getting started on?
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Anything feels impossible.
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Does that ever happen to you?
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I mean, I have a version of something like that yeah, yeah, I have like I go through things for like I, I and I really, like I really want to be a magician.
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I want to learn everything I can about magic or and then, and then it fades after a while.
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I get into these things yeah.
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I'm really passionate about certain things, but then sometimes I stick with it, you know.
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Let me just tell you, I was so nervous about you coming here.
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I didn't want to be, I didn't want to have ADHD during our interview.
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So I went and I worked out for an hour to get my yas out, as my wife says.
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Then I went and I sat in a red light bed for 20 minutes.
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Then I went and I ran on a treadmill for a mile.
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Then I went and sat in a sauna infrared sauna for 20 minutes.
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Then I went in the hot tub, then I went in the cold puddle and I took a shower.
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And then I came here hoping to be like.
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You can't have ADHD in front of the lady that knows about it.
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I just didn't want you to go.
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What a terrible interview.
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No.
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I love it.
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I mean, I think that we could have the type of conversation that you have with your friends, where we take it in different directions.
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Your ADHD listeners they'll be able to keep up.
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Yeah.
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But I think that's really interesting that you brought that up, because my relationship to bring it back to the medication question is when I'm in periods of my life where I can do all those things that you mentioned.
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I love to exercise too.
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I don't love to exercise, but you love the impact it has on you.
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Yeah, I like the results of it Right exactly.
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I discovered in my early adulthood that my brain was different on exercise and it was kind of the same thing where I was not an athletic kid, I didn't have like a love of sports or anything, but I discovered running and I was like, wow, I have a different brain on the days I run.
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But I couldn't run seven days a week.
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I ran six days a week.
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You know different phases of my life and that helped a lot to an extent.
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And then doing all of the other things with health and nutrition and self-care.
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When I can do all of those things, I don't need to be medicated.
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When I am going through times in my life where those things are not as accessible because of life circumstances, where I'm at with kids, what I'm taking care of, those are times when I've been on meds and they've helped a lot during those times.
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Okay, so I was seeing a therapist for a while, right, and he's like you have ADHD.
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So he puts me on meds and I remember I was getting on an airplane and he gave me put me on Adderall, okay.
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Okay, so I take this Adderall and I get on a plane for the first time, I'm in the emergency room and the flight attendant says to me sir, you're in the emergency room, I need your verbal.
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Do you understand how they do that in the emergency room and I couldn't speak, and I was like, and I was like, yeah, and I was like oh my God, and I just couldn't sleep.
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I could not, I was out.
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And I was like this is terrible.
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So I called the shrink and I said I can't be on this stuff, it's terrible.
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So he put me on something else called Vyvanse, right.
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So I took Vyvanse and I took it for a few months while I was on the air and I mean I really felt different, like I felt like I could pay attention and.
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I was like much like this book, it all makes sense.
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Now I was like I was like wait a minute, is this how people are every day?
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Like this is what it's like to be normal, to pay attention.
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And I didn't like the way I was on the radio.
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I didn't like like I kind of feel sometimes now in my career, in my life, that ADHD if that's what I truly have it's been a benefit to me, right?
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So I I went off the Vyvanse.
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Now I will say this I go to LA once a year.
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I mean, I go a few times a year, but I go for once a year for this conference, and what they do is they bring out you, I sit in this theater and they bring out all the new music for the upcoming year, right?
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So all the artists come and they it's a really cool thing they like you know, jennifer Lopez here's my new song.
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Justin Bieber here's my new song.
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Hope you like it, but it's like 10 hours and.
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I can't sit through it.
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But I take a Vyvanse.
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I'm good to go yeah right so, but I haven't done that in a while yeah, I mean I think it's really interesting how you mentioned that it works for the focus, but it changes some other things.
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Something that I think is super interesting about ADHD brains is that the way we filter information is different, so our brains take in a lot more of what's going on around us.
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So that's why it's we struggle to direct our attention.
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So I could be talking to you, but I'm also hearing the cars out there, I'm noticing what this guy over here is doing and I'm putting that all together kind of like in the background, and that makes us really creative people, it makes us really intuitive.
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It's probably what makes you a really awesome radio host, because you're able to kind of tie a story together really, really quickly, because you have absorbed a lot of information that other people were tuning out because they were focusing on the most important thing in the moment.
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So I think that makes sense that when you can have that like really really directed focus, you do kind of lose everything else that you're picking up around you.
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So in certain contexts not you know, not being able to focus so intently on that one you know important thing in front of you can actually lead to other really great things that benefit you in other contexts.
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Does your book help people Like it's?
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So like, who gets this book?
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Someone who has ADHD and they want to know how to survive every single day?
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Or is it someone that's trying to transition out of HD?
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Can you get out of ADHD?
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No, you're stuck on it.
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It's a lifelong thing.
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It is a neurobiological.
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They call it a disorder, but whether you identify with that term is personal Right.
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But technically, it's typically something that you are born with, and if you're diagnosed as an adult, you have to show evidence that this existed in your childhood too.
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So yes, you can.
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Like.
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For me it would be going back and being like all the car accidents.
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What about before that?
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Even before that, as a kid like I got good grades in school, but I was constantly fidgeting Like I'm seeing you bounce your leg.
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Like I was the leg.
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I'm trying not to no, it's fine, it's like so funny for me, like I love being able to see ADHD in action.
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So you would say, look at me, that I have it.
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Yeah, I'm pretty sure that you really do, and I don't think it's a bad thing, and that's what we have to and that doesn't mean that you're not managing it really really well.
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And I think we have to stop looking at like the name ADHD, the way we do Like the word deficit is like really not the whole picture, right, I look at ADHD from a neurodiversity lens so it's not to me a disorder, it's a different way of being.
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So it can feel like a disorder if you don't have support, if you're not in an environment that makes sense, if you're in the wrong job that like doesn't really activate your brain in the right way it can be.
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It can feel really disabling.
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But if you have the right environment, you know how your brain works, you know what works for you and you have support, it can be really, um, just an important type of brain to have in this world so let me ask you a couple things.
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Let me tell me I'll give you some scenarios tell me if it's an adhd thing.
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Let's say I got to go to a company function and there's advertisers and clients there and I talk to them and I think I could do really well in little doses.
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When I talk to somebody for a long time I don't know what to say and like I might have another disorder besides ADHD but I'll be sitting there staring at someone talking to them and I'm like, as I'm talking, I'm going.
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Oh my god, what do I say now?
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What do?
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I say now they're on to me, I'm not paying attention.
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I better move and go over there now.
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Is that something like that?
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Yeah, I mean it sounds like you kind of, because you've known that that's been a struggle in the past.
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You're probably like thinking ahead, like oh, I've got to know what to say next, versus being able to tune into what they're saying and be present in that conversation.
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Like my wife, she'll talk to people and she has these wonderful conversations with all these different people.
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I have a neighbor, friend of mine.
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He's the nicest guy.
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They just talk and talk, and talk and I'm like, how do they do that?
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I just can't I can't, I can't, I don't know how to do it?
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Is it different depending on what they're talking about?
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I don't know.
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Also, you know, I was thinking about what you said when you were a kid, like for me, when you said you know, there's such a great title.
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It all makes sense now because for me it's.
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I remember going back to my childhood and I remember like my dad trying to teach me homework and I didn't get it math or certain spelling and he would say I remember he'd get so mad at me and my sister, she's like a genius.
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She got top of her class, graduated magna cum, whatever UCLA in, and she was just so smart and we had the same parents and I remember she was younger than me and she would understand my homework and I didn't understand my homework and at the time, whatever I didn't get it and I think that if the tools that we have nowadays, I probably could have used those tools.
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In fact, I don't really know how I got to where I was in school.
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I think I failed up, if that makes sense, because I didn't understand so much going on.
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I was just talking to my.
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Let's see, I'm all over the place.
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Right now.
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My son is 19 years old and he's going to be a freshman in college.
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I was a freshman in college at 17.
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And I just don't think I was ready for it, right.
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I don't think I was developed anywhere near where he is and I think there's.
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It took me seven years to get through school, took me forever and I didn't have any help you know, so I don't know, is that ADHD?
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yeah, one really interesting thing about ADHD is that they have evidence that ADHD children's brains are.
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Typically certain regions of their brain, like the prefrontal cortex, develop about three years later than their peers.
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So it's not that you are less smart, but your brain was catching up to certain developmental milestones like slower.
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So that may be why that young adulthood really was a little bit harder for you.
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Because, uh, part of the brain that's impacted by adhd, it struggles with executive functions.
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Have you heard that term before?
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no okay.
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So those executive functions are a set of things that your brain needs to be able to do, like prioritizing, uh, motivation, uh, self-management, so things like getting through the boring tasks of life, um, focus, cognitive flexibility.
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All of those things are impacted by adhd and they develop slower, so they're all skills that you need to, like turn your homework in on time, to you know, arrive at class on time I just would never do do my homework.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Right oh yeah, I was that kid.
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The reason I got good grades is because if I'm interested in something, I will remember it Right.
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I'll remember it for a really long time, but I can take a test and pass it, usually because I'm pretty good at like noticing patterns and context clues.
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Well, how do you have ADHD and write a book?
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That's impressive.
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I can't.
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I'll be reading a book.
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I read it.
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I have so many books.
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I'm currently reading seven books, seven or eight books, and I can't get through one.
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I read the same page over and over and over again.
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Is that?
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Do you have that too?
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Um, you know, I've always actually loved to read if I like what I'm reading.
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If it's a boring book, I will DNF that book like so fast.
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I won't make myself push through, but I was always a reader growing up, um, I I've always really loved to write, so that helped.
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So are you like a low level ADHD?
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Because you seem really no, I'm very yeah, I.
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I'm very good at masking my ADHD.
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That's, I think, why it took me so long to get diagnosed is because I figured out really early.
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I went to Catholic school growing up and girls like me that questioned authority and wanted to do things differently, like we didn't have the best outcomes in terms of have you had ADHD issues, like in your marriage.
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Is there a side effect of that?
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Like yes.
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I there definitely is.
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I wrote about it a little bit in my book.
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My husband is extremely neurotypical, very responsible.
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He's like we're like yin and yang, I feel like.
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And it worked out really well in a lot of ways because he's helped me get through the mundane things in life, because he's so organized and I've helped him be more fun, like I'm the fun one in the marriage?
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Did that just happen or did you seek him out I?
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think we kind of figured that out right away.
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I actually was probably attracted to people that were more chaotic earlier in my life.
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Like he was the first like responsible person that I found a connection with.
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But I think I knew what I needed and it worked out really well, I think, for both of us.
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Worked out really well, I think for both of us.
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But sometimes we do come into conflict.
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Where I need to be able to operate in the cycles that make sense for my brain, like I'll get really hyper, focused on a project and see it through and that will be my life for like four days and then I'm like a potato for a couple of days and even like the most basic things can be hard for me at times, like unloading the dishwasher, making a meal like just the everyday life things.
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Can be hard for me at times, like unloading the dishwasher, making a meal like just the everyday life things, because ADHD brains are driven by interest and that stuff is not interesting, whereas my husband, like it, feels so foreign to me he can wake up in the morning and, like, start unloading the dishwasher.
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I would never be able to do that.
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I can wake up in the morning, I have to drink a cup of coffee, which is a stimulant which is basically what ADHD meds are and then I have to go for a run and then I have to do four more things before I can even face like some of those more mundane things of life.
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So him not understanding why I'm this way caused some conflict and me not understanding why he's not more impulsive and fun and like ready to just like let life happen.
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Um, you know, at times was hard, but overall I think we have found a good partnership because we appreciate each other's differences do you have?
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is this a symptom of ADHD?
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I think.
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I think I saw that it is piles of stuff yes, I have piles all over my house.
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Yeah, you know, and that can be a lot of things.
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I think what probably is happening with we call them doom piles like things that just accumulate.
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Sometimes we don't realize it, but we're afraid to put things away because it's out of sight, out of mind for us.
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I mentioned working memory earlier.
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So working memory is like it's not your short-term memory, but it's kind of like that.
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It's more like the scratch pad in your brain that has the steps needed to like work through something, and our working memory is trash.
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So we might like have a item and be like okay, I need to go put it somewhere, but our brain's not going to hold on to where we put it later.
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So if we put something in a drawer and we need it later, we don't know where it is.
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So that's why we have so many things out in in the doom pile, because if we can see it, we remember it exists is that in here?